An Important Announcement from Three Beers Later...

I wish to go unequivocally on record as having never had sex with Nikki Haley.  In fact, I have never had relations with anybody or anything from South Carolina that I am sober enough to recall (there were, however, some incidents in Columbus, Georgia that come under the heading "What happens on VD Drive stays on VD drive"...)

However, in updating my restraining orders calendar, I find that I would be free to respond to a  suboena immediately upon the expiration of my TRO obligations to Penelope Cruz and Cote de Pablo, and it would brighten my resumé considerably....