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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

THREE BEERS LATER EXCLUSIVE: Spunky Kentucky Dems Rally Around Exciting NEW candidate!

You would think that the withdrawal of deep thinker and outspoken progressive Ashley Judd from the 2014 Kentucky senatorial contest would have convinced the Democrats of that state of the futility of fielding a dynamic, charismatic challenger to encrusted GOP Mitch McConnell.

But you'd be wrong.  The Democrats have already found an absolutely thrilling young hopeful who is everything a progressive, liberal Dem could want in a candidate.

Three Beers Later is proud to introduce America to the next great hope of the Kentucky Democratic Party:
KWAME MUSTAFA X!
Only available picture of dynamic 
new candidate, courtesy
NYPD

What is Kwame's background?  No one knows!  What are his positions on the issues?  Not a clue! His past associations?  A complete mystery!  His career accomplishments? An enigma wrapped in, in — another mystery!

And the neat thing is, there's no way anybody can challenge him on any of these, because the Federal Witness Protection Program isn't letting anybody talk to him, or even know where he currently is! So any embarrassing revelations or questions are completely off the table!

"This is just fucking brilliant," said David Axelrod, former Obama puppeteer. "When I think of all the time and trouble it would have saved us, seriously, I could fucking kick myself. Fuck!"  His MSNBC program then went to an early commercial.

However, in the tradition of shoeleather journalists everywhere, TBL was not about to be put off by a passel of over-gunned government flunkies.  We were not able to contact Kwame Mustafa X directly, but we did manage to get in touch with his sister, Chlamydia Shabazz X, dedicated community organizer, National Spokeswoman, Congress Of Racial Iniquity, East Coast Director, Southern Christian Organization for Retributionist Extortion,Regional Liaison, Surly Pack of Lesbian Combatants, at her current position as Diversity Supervisor at UC Berkeley:

"Ain't nobody got nothin' bad to say about my baby brother.  
No, Mistah Man,  I don't think you do understand.  
Ain't nobody got nothin' bad to say about my baby
brother, you good with that...?You have a nice election now."


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