Noted limousine chaser and Democratic Activist Gloria Allred today announced she was taking on the case of a woman who claimed she was sexually victimized by popular write-in GOP candidate Sweet Meteor of Death during a campaign stop at an undisclosed location.
The complainant, whom Ms. Allred identified as a Ms. Tiberia Church, came forward after two previous complainants declined to come out publicly, although informed speculation has identified them as a Ms. W. Deering and a Ms. D. Arden, both former members of the space industry in the Los Angeles area.
Ms. Church, according to Allred, originally met with the Sweet Meteor of Death to discuss issues, of which she said, "I have several." But she described the meeting as "creepy and off-putting" saying, "He looked at me like he'd never seen a woman before."
Ms. Church alleges that the meeting was so traumatic, it left her unable to pursue her university studies in comparative crypto-anthropology and terpsichorean ecdysiasm. An unspecified amount of damages for loss of earning potential and emotional distress is being sought.
Sweet Meteor of Death refused to directly refute the allegations when asked, noting that "When I come down on someone who has screwed me over, I come down hard!" Ms. Allred stated that a temporary restraining order was being sought compelling Sweet Meteor of Death to remain outside the orbit of Mars pending initial court hearings.
Rumors that Sweet Meteor of Death is considering suspending his campaign and endorsing former House Speaker Newt Gingrich have yet to be verified.
