Rule 5 1994!

Rule 5 Laura Bell Bundy and Friends

A Modest Propsal for a New Century!

 A Mainstream Conservative Pundit Offers 

a Daring Vision of the Future Torn 
from Yesterday's Headlines...

A special guest editorial by Frumley Brooks, Esq., Mainstream Conservative Pundit

Acting in accordance with yet another Brooks family motto, "Da pro omnibus bonis volunt et damnare" ("Give everyone what they want and damn what's good for them")* mainstream conservative pundit Frumley Brooks sets forth a daring plan for those who plan daringly...
*Really, Frummers, it boggles the mind that you've escaped public office all these years. — TBL

"Gentleman, we must give over the dated and inhumane

practice of eating Irish babies and bravely embrace the 

exciting mode of a new age!" — Praiseworthy Brooks, Esq., 

House of Lords, 1731

While it is of course unthinkable that any principled, ethical journalist would stoop to attempt legislation or 'social engineering' from the soapbox so graciously provided by his no doubt fair-minded and impartial employers, there are occasions where the cooler head, discerning eye and distanced perspective of the professional correspondent can make a more material contribution to the contest of ideas.

No impartial observer of the times could fail to agree that the defining issues of the day, setting aside petty concerns of national economics and the tiresome escalation of global strife, are the tragic and ongoing slaughter of lusty young men of color in our more turbulent urban concentrations, and the inexplicable upsurge of unauthorized immigration into our fair nation, in spite of our media's most determined efforts to present Lady Liberty as a materialistic bourgeois obsessed with wealth and crass consumer indulgence.

How these matters could suddenly have come to a crisis is a puzzle for the ages, as the Democrats who manage so many of our cities have never addressed any material attention to the meteoric rise of black on black violence, while the Republicans who profess nominal concern for our national affairs have seen nothing to the negative in the healthy competition of millions of eager foreigners willing to contest for jobs with our native lumpen proletariat at any price or any wage.  Nonetheless, here the matters raced, and here it falls to your humble correspondent to address them.

The Democrats seem incapable of addressing the rise of black on black violence on their watch, nor the vigorous expansion of Planned Parenthood clinics into what they so colorfully call "The Hood."  One would expect they would be concerned by this steady diminution of such a significant part of their electoral base, but such would not seem to be the case.  Indeed, the more rapidly the young population of their Negro vote diminishes, the more enthusiastically they seem to pursue the legitimization of ever more legal and docile Hispanics, a sure coincidence that would be regarded as sinister by only the most uncharitable of minds.

Meanwhile the Republicans, heroically resisting the strident demands of their antediluvian base (oh, base indeed!) are locked in bitter struggle, not so much as to whether to deny the eager hidalgo admittance but how many and over what period said admittance can be permitted.

And thus, it falls upon me to suggest that one of these problems can easily resolve the other:

Let us to that end admit the bronzed Aztec, but only in direct proportion to the decrease of the Negro population of America.  At one stroke, we solve the problems of both parties!  The Democrats receive a stable voting base while not suffering the electoral shortfalls of the extinguished Africans, a goal they have sought politically since 1865 and intellectually since the heyday of Marx and Margaret Sanger.  For every young black man untimely reaped —

or woman of color solicitously attended by a parenthood planner—

—admit one  son or daughter of Moctezuma.

"I did say one...!"

This provides the Democrats with a gradual, almost unnoticeable transition from a voter base that has been largely a financial and social loss for them to a voter base long used to pliancy at the hands of an elected elite. At the same time the Republicans reap the benefits of a more gradual escalation of the Democrat voter base less immediately likely to trouble them in their golden years of senior Congressional tenure.  So our gallant McCains, McConnells, Boehners and Cantors may enjoy the demographical twilight of their political influence in comfort.

That such a straightforward plan has been overlooked by our elected superiors is plain evidence of the gridlock being imposed upon our benevolent government by pettifogging concerns over obscure civil rights and arcane "Constitutional" niceties. It is time for dramatic action to take this great nation in the direction it was always meant to go—TIJUANA OR THE BUSH!