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Thursday, July 26, 2012

TWITTER CRASH SCANDAL WIDENS!

Police and DHS officials surround an undisclosed location in relation to Thursday morning's "global crash" of the Twitter social network, as new information comes to light on the prime suspect....
"We're taking this matter very, very seriously," stated DHS head Janet Napolitano.  "Especially in light of the most recent information.  This is potentially a bad, bad man.  This is not some two-bit convicted bomber or cyberstalker who brags about his concealable handguns.  This is someone who has attended multiple Tea Party events and a very large number of functions where Republicans were present, as well as being a member of some fringe Christian cult."


If they see the suspect, citizens are advised not to approach him, as "he may behave erratically if he suspects they have beer money on them."
In what may be a connected story, Naval Criminal Investigation Services are looking to talk to a known associate of the prime suspect, a retired naval officer, concerning the disappearance of a dozen Tomahawk TLAN-N missiles in the aftermath of the fire aboard the USS Miami...

 The missiles were ostensibly removed from the submarine as a security measure while it is drydocked, but upon inspection of the Form 2063, or "hand receipt" signed for the release of the missiles, the receiving indidivual had described the nukes as "party favors."

"Certainly this concerns us," said Defense Secretary Leon Panetta.  "Especially since we don't know which party the suspect favors." Nevertheless, Panetta insisted there was little reason to fear misuse of the devastating weapons.
"Someone would have to know several obscure and largely outdated programming languages to bypass the safety locks on the warheads and targeting systems," Panetta said.  "Luckily, there are very few people out there with that kind of arcane computer expertise..."

PREVIOUSLY ....

6 comments:

Zilla said...

I just got my electricity and connections to the world back after being in the dark since late yesterday afternoon. There was a massive power outage up here in the Hudson Valley region of New York, which you know is a strategically important part of the country - they say it was because of one of those Derechio storms, but I'll bet you it was those two madmen Stacy and Smitty. There's a nuke facility up here, you know! Here's a link to some whitewashed "news" coverage of the outage:
http://hudsonvalley.ynn.com/content/top_stories/593034/central-hudson-power-outages-throughout-the-region/

The Impolite Canadian said...

You know, I believe there also should be an inquiry on how these dangerous men acted in the student's strike here in Quebec. I mean, we all know students carry beer money, and we saw some strange hat-wearing, American-looking man handing out bricks to the Black Bloc members. Could it be all related????

Added you to my blogroll!

richard mcenroe said...

I'm pretty sure smoggy has never been farther north than Watertown, since he doesn't speak Quebecistani. Stacy of course is capable of anything, but I can't go into that because of my own accidental invasion of Canada...

The Impolite Canadian said...

Quebecistani is a very easy language to learn...just add eh? at every other sentence...it's all aboot the eh? eh?

richard mcenroe said...

Added you bakacha.

The Impolite Canadian said...

Thank you Brother!!

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