Operation Gratitude Care Package Weekend!

Monday, January 23, 2012

NEWT GINGRICH IS THE BESTEST U.S. AMERICAN GUY EVER WHAT —

— divorced two wives to marry two mistresses!
— then got the daughters of his first wife to complain about his second wife being mean to his third wife!
— declared himself fully exonerated of his ethics charges even though he was in fact found guilty of one and forced to pay a $300,000 fine which he claimed was for "expenses." A massive and validating 28 Republicans voted in support of him!
— bounced hardly any checks in the Congressional Bank scandal! (Really, who HASN'T written 22 bad checks in a row?)
—was such a great Speaker of the House that he was only thrown out by his own party after losing multiple House seats and the Clinton Impeachment!
— Was such a great Congressman for the 6th CD (GA) that he was able to complete his final term in just two months!
— was mourned by the Clinton Administration, who said "Gingrich was the best thing that happened to the Clinton Administration."
— was such a strong supporter of individual rights that he supported the individual mandate forcing people to buy healthcare for over 20 years!
—was such a champion of business that he campaigned for cap and trade with Nancy Pelosi!
—Supported homeowners by giving Fannie/Freddie "history lessons" for just $1.6 million dollars!
—Proved he was a champion of the common man by yelling at a reporter trying to ask a politician a question and keeping his Tiffany's jewelry line of credit down to $500,000!

Truly, how can we see this paragon as anything other than the leader of the greatest nation on Earth for the next eight turbulent years?

*sigh* "Maybe someday, if I try hard enough,
I can be to this country what New Gingrich has
been..."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hilarious !!!!
Thank you!

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