The Irish, who once described themselves with bitter defiance as "the niggers of Europe", have decided to up their game. Now they want to be Europe's Mexicans, as Ireland, once the economic success story of the new Europe in the 80's, is reduced to begging its 70 million emigrés to send money back to the mother country impoverished by its statist, collectivist government policies.
"Welcome to my world, amigo..."
Now sure and one's heart is warmed, achushla, by the notion of shamrock-bedecked cambios springing up around the world, offering Erse Gaelic international phone cards and easy money transfers to the Gaeltacht, just as the dear little NORAID boxes littered the tops of every Mick bar from New York to Boston and all the rednosed sots would gladly chip in a few bucks for 'the lads', er, the distressed folk of Belfast back in the 70's, yet it's hoping I am that the Irish Goverment has something in the way of a plan with more meat to it.
And Jesus, Mary and Joseph set a flower upon my head if they do not indeed. It's a grand meeting they've hosted, and wasn't it chaired by the Taoiseach himself, Brian Cowen, and Minister for Foreign Affairs Michael Martin. Out of the 70 million expatriates in the Irish Diaspora, they've gone and summoned home no less than 180 of them, all "leading figures" in philanthropy, education, arts and "culture"... oh, and about 20 men of business... to solve the Old Sod's financial woes.
And while true it is that the grand affair was closed to the press, it's nevertheless known that some of those grubby-handed tradesmen, the likes of Intel's blackhearted former Chief Executive Craig Barrett, missed the point entire so they did with their complaints about Ireland's levels of education and investment in research and development, yet didn't the rest of them come up with some grand plans!
Ireland must build a website! The Irish around the world are sorely needing reminding of their Irish culture in the minds of these great men (and a whole 20 women, such a grand ornament the little dears made), as though the Irish were not the only people in the world Deadheads and Trekkies can say need to broaden their interests more.
Ireland must build the world's greatest university of the arts! cried International Investment and Underwriting Chair Dermot Desmond, for sure and all it's true there's nought in more demand in the world's job markets than art majors. And after all, it's not as though the bards weren't having the bankrupting and ruining of Irish culture the last time they were in power.
We should sell Irish bonds, as the Israelis do! was the cry, but Minister Martin demurred, on the grounds that Israel had an economy that could actually pay bonds back, and, after all, weren't they Israelis? Surely we had to keep up some standards!
We must monetize Irish culture! cried Dermot Desmond, and doesn't that just conjure up marvelous visions of Michael Flatley leading a line of stepdancers past the carbombs down to the police station where they can inform on each other?
And so and all, the artists said we must give more money to the artists, and the educators said we must give more money to the educators, the men of "culture" said we must have more money for "culture," and the men of business, the black thieves and the back of my hand to them, were excoriated for not making more money for the artists and educators and the men of "culture".
And in the end, the grand government and intellectuals were left with some idea of asking the Irish in the rest of the world to pay for their mistakes.
The only problem with that grand plan, do you see now, is that thanks to the grandest Irishman of them all, Barack O'Bama, there's no more money to be had...
Oh, well, no doubt the EU will bail the wee lads out. It's strange they didn't ask them first...
UPDATE: The Irish Prime Minister himself has proudly come to the United States, hat in hand, bravely begging Mr. Obama to grant amnesty to 50,000 Irish
