Republican Posts Pictures of Junk Online! Shocking Display of Post-Partisanship!

Another East Coast Democrat has been caught photographing his junk and sending it out onto that Intertubes thing.  As an ex-New Yorker, and in the spirit of collegiality, I thought I should demonstrate that this is not purely an appeal to Democratic voters.  So, herewith, for all parties, in the interests of compromise and inclusion, pictures of my junk, tastefully presented so as not to overstate my case...

BREAKING NEWS — EX-HILLARY AIDE SHAVES BEARD, DUCKS HUSBAND'S RESIGNATION SPEECH

Hillary's ex-personal assistant, Huma Abedin, wife of disgraced Congressman Anthony Weiner, was not present today as Weiner resigned from Congress in the wake of his sexting scandal.

Before a jeering crowd, Weiner thanked his parents for giving him his sense of values, causing his outraged mother to shout, "You take that back!"...

Seriously, How is this man NOT a babe magnet?

BREAKING NEWS! WEINER GRABBED ON CAPITOL STEPS!

Embattled Democratic Congressman Anthony Weiner was arrested today in front of the US Capitol building.

The dysfunctional NY politician had announced he was going to address his swelling cybersex problem by holding a "modified, full limited hangout" on the Capitol steps before the start of business today...

But the crack Capitol Police "FLASH-CRASH" team subdued the Congressman and hustled him away before the doors opened for the day.

It is unknown whether charges will be brought against the deflated politician since his announced intention was to discuss "affairs of state," and the law prohibits prosecution of a Congressman in the performance of his duties.

And now a request for Wags Weiner And John Edwards from America...

Disgraced Congressman Eric Massa Chosen to Head President's Council on Physical Fitness!

"I'm just tickled pink!" says Naval Nancy...

Eric Massa -- "Rahm Emmanuel accosted me naked in the shower!!"

A THREE BEERS LATER DECREE!

HEAR THIS, AND TREMBLING, OBEY!

Let it be proclaimed, from this day forward, that vulpine Chicago fixer Rahm Emanuel shall be henceforth and forever referred to as 

WHITE HOUSE NUDIE CUTIE RAHM EMANUEL!

(With apologies to Doris Wishman)

Oral Evolutions...

Democrat Eric Massa is resigning from Congress in the face of allegations he sexually harassed a male staff member.  However, he seems to think it's because he has a real potty mouth, not what he wanted to put in it...


“I own this reality. There is no doubt in my mind that I did in fact, use language in the privacy of my own home and in my inner office that, after 24 years in the Navy, might make a Chief Petty Officer feel uncomfortable...”


Now in Massa's defense, I have to say that the standards of acceptable language in the US military have changed over the years.  So it's entirely possible a senior noncommissioned office might have construed his language as objectionable.


For example, a typical exchange over the hood of a HUMVEE* today might go something like this:


"Look at this, Specialist, you have over-tightened the lug nut on this tire and stripped the threads.  This is not work  to standard and is unacceptable."


"Top, I made a mistake and I will fix it immediately."


Now back in my day, over the hood of a jeep, the conversation would have gone something like this:


"Fuck! Fucking Fucker's Fucking Fucked!  Fucker!"


"Fuck me..."


If memory serves, this brings to something like 50 the number of  Democrats nationwide cutting and running on their own country, through retirement or resignation...


*Given the topic, I thought I'd avoid "Hummer..."

Kevin Jennings Sex Tape Uncovered!

Who Thought This Could End Well?

Who thought this could possibly end well? Chris Dodd, the Oldest Living Sexual Predator in the US Senate, was invited to emcee the Ladies' Professional Golf Association Open. After the Senator WILDLY misunderstood the event's title, several players complained of serious dress code violations arising from Dodd's participation in the event.

A Three Beers Later Exclusive -- Senator Chris Dodd's (D-CT) censored "Baywatch" cameo!

They made the mistake of not shooting the Oldest Living Sexual Predator in the Senate's scenes before lunch. Evidently he came back after a two-waitress pick-me-up and was feeling frisky...

Chris Dodd Video... A Three Beers Later Exclusive!

Three Beers Later has obtained exclusive cellphone video

from the closed-door, $1000 a plate fundraiser for

embattled Democratic Senator Chris Dodd (Ct.) at

Stamford University, where President Barack Obama call-

ed Dodd "one of my favorites."

The oldest living sexual predator in the United States

Senate called the evening "very successful," and even

went on to praise the waitstaff.

"A two-bagger!" he went on to say. "Not bad for a fella my age...!"

Rule 5½ -- Daaaaavid Letterman!

The Other McCain Complains About the Lack of Intimacy in the GOP

In fairness to David Brooks I must confess that a Republican senator did try to feel my thigh once. Then he realized it wasn't my thigh and got intimidated. (Again, to be fair, I had the same problem with Chuck Norris.)

And in the name of bipartisanship and reaching around across the aisle, I have found Brooks a preferable dinner companion...

Carol at No Sheeples Here takes modest exception to Brooks' talent, intelligence, politcs, integrity, politeness and personal hygiene, while nevertheless finding him another tablemate.

I have to disagree, however, with her claim that 'desperate is not a sexual preference.' Usually the folks who say this are the same people who tell you that 'sex is no laughing matter.' If this is true, then I and every woman I have ever propositioned have been doing it wrong.

Rule 5 Saturday

More tasty Brazilian treats for our tasteful President...

How Times Have Changed...

Rule 5: Take your pick...

Republican Sex Scandal...



Democrat Sex Scandal...



Or upholding the dignity of the office...

She's sixteen, you louche boor. Who do you think you are, David Letterman?

Rule 5-1/2

Let's Show David Letterman the Kind of Loving a REAL Man likes...

Here's what you do.

Open Google.

Search for "Lolita porn"

DO NOT OPEN ANY OF THE LINKS. You really don't want to. And if by any chance any of you are flying a freak flag I ain't seen flapping, DO NOT NOT NOT print out any images and mail them in. Sending porn through the mail is a chargeable offense. DO NOT DO IT.

Print out the page or pages (OK, it's gonna be a lotta pages, you don't have to print them all), and mail them to:

Les Moonves, President

CBS Television Network

51 West 52nd Street

New York, NY 10019

And ask him nicely to pass them on to Mr. Letterman. I'm sure he'll be happy to help.

Oh, and if you want to call and express your personal Letterman love...

Main Number:

(212) 975-4321