New Year's Words of Reflection, Wisdom, and Resolution (stolen from a complete stranger)

*1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. *

*2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. *

*3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. *

*4. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. *

*5. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment. *

*6. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain. *

*7. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding. *

*8. I am at one with my duality. *

*9. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots. *

*10. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday. *

*11. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws. *

*12. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!" *

*13. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution. *

*14. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom. *

*15. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future. *

*16. The complete lack of evidence is the surest proof that the conspiracy is working. *

*17. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot. *