Operation Gratitude Care Package Weekend!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Libyan Mess Not Obama's Fault

A Three Beers Later Exclusive feature by Mickey "Seconds" Mikowski, CSM 2nd Michigan Citizens Militia (Ret.), Military Correspondent...

The recent embarrassment of US/NATO intervention in the Libyan civil war, where it has become evident that we have fired $200 million in Tomahawk missiles and uncounted millions in air strikes culminating in the loss an F-15 on behalf of Al Qaeda and its associates, cannot strictly be blamed on the poor judgment, ideological blindness and provincialism of President Barack Hussein Obama.

Personally, I blame the water.  I don't know what it is about large bodies of water, but put a Democrat near one...

...whether it's Pearl Harbor...
...the Bay of Pigs...
...the Gulf of Tonkin...
...the Gulf of Mexico...
...or the Gulf of Sidra...

...put a Democrat near water and people wind up dead.  Mebbe that's why so many of them don't wash.

Friday, March 25, 2011

NATO appoints Libyan Operations Commander - a Canadian

Following the appointment of Canadian Forces Lt. General Charles Bouchard to command the Libyan no-fly zone and other noncombat operations, NATO Europe has elected to appoint a special subordinate officer directly under him to make sure the Continental perspective is considered in all command decisions.

Of particular concern to the European NATO partners is Bouchard's long association with US forces.  The ultimate sticking point for NATO Europe is the award to Lt. General Bouchard of the US Legion of Merit, a decoration traditionally awarded in American service to any senior officer who completes a foreign deployment without contracting an STD.

Europeans are constitutionally incapable of trusting anyone lacking a social disease, so this is a significant concern for them.

NATO Europe has therefore assigned Belgian Bridgadier Maurice "Au Secours" Sproutes-Brusselles(shown, far right) to work beneath Bouchard.

Sproutes-Brusselles, late of the 3.me Chassées Belges ("The Whippets") has the sort of military record any European force can respect.  Since his days as a cadet in his youth he has been overrun by some of the most distinguished military formations on the Continent.  He has served Belgium as expected in numerous overseas deployments, and was decorated for his gallant retreat along with several subordinates from Stanleyville in the Belgian Congo during that country's war for independence, an engagement referred to by Congolese veterans of the struggle as "Le Barbecue Blanche".

Sproutes-Brusselles will be tasked by NATO to coordinate directly with the Arab League's representative for strategy and planning, Mohammed Hussein Akhbar al-Tikriti, regarded in the Middle East as a distinguished Western scholar who has read every book Michael Moore has ever written.  His thesis, "The Effect of Sustained Application of Machetes on Third World Social Stability" is still required reading at St. Cyr.

When asked to comment on the appointment, the US Commander of the Sixth Fleet, tasked with continuing actual combat operations against Libya under NATO command, went on the record as stating:

"This will get out of control... this will get out of control and we
will be lucky to live through it!"

Mickey "Scraps" Mikowski
CSM 2nd Michigan Citizens' Militia (Ret.)
is Three Beers Later's Special Guest
Military Affairs Correspondent


Rule 5 — Juliana Moreira!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Grubby Capitalist StrikeBreaker Crosses My Picket Line, Assaults President

Things are getting ugly.  I've been caught suborning scabs to cross my picket line against myself in my ongoing campaign to support the heroic bloggers of Huffington Post... One of them was caught posting the following...

You might be President Obama . . .

If the ten year-old with the neighborhood lemonade stand has more business experience than you, you might be President Obama.

If you have more communists in your cabinet than Vladimir Putin, you might be President Obama.

If you try to look more macho by taking part in a military operation – run by France, you might be President Obama. (Read the Rest...)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My Night of Terror with William Shatner, or, '$#*! My Dad Pulled' ...

In honor of William Shatner's 80th birthday...
People who know me will have a hard time believing this, but I used to be something of a geek.

In fact, a Trekkie.  A spotty, con-going, yard'o'beer-at-the-Brew-Burger New York Trekkie. 

Back in '72 before Adam Malin and Creation homogenized the convention experience, there used to be a 'commuter hotel' called the Commodore built right over Grand Central Station, a dark, cavernous, ancient hostel. Joanie Winston and a bunch of others organized one of the earliest Star Trek cons there, and I had volunteered to help with 'security', imagining that my little yellow 'staff' ribbon would be all I needed to hobnob with the high and mighty and maybe get a shot at a green dancing girl.

We expected maybe 2,500 fans to show up.

Try 25,000.

Then Leonard Nimoy made a surprise appearance and a Star Trek convention turned into Zulu.  Thundering feet and one long screaming war cry:        


With not a mealie bag in sight. Most of the convention committee had locked themselves in the con suite and weren't coming out.  The fire marshal is throwing screaming tantrums. Joanie Winston and maybe twenty of us idiots in the yellow badges are running ourselves ragged trying to keep the savages on the other side of the mealie bags.  Nimoy-crazed fans are finding their way through every nook and cranny of the hotel like water through a wicker basket.  We got zero sleep for two straight days.

Then William Shatner comes to town to shoot an episode of Dick Clark's $25,000 Dollar Pyramid.

Now I won't say that William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy were in any way competitive (twice).  I won't say that William Shatner was in any way fond of the adoration of crowds (again).

What I will say is WE were NOT going to get stampeded by a gajillion hormone-crazed tweenies A SECOND TIME.

By this point we knew the layout of the Commodore like Charlie knew the tunnels of Cu Chi.  So Joanie rounds up as many of us yellow badges as are still mobile and arranges to meet Shatner at the side entrance to the Commodore lobby.  The plan is to bring Shatner up through the service corridors of the hotel to the ballroom floor and into the ballroom before anyone knows he's there.

Shatner shows up, "Hi, Bill!" "Hi, Joanie!" We head off into the service corridors.  The yellow badge stumbling along at the head of the cortége, who has not had a minute's sleep or downtime in two days, stops for a moment to get his bearings —

— and Shatner says "Follow me!" and takes off into the bowels of the Commodore Hotel... which he has never seen before.  

We yell "Bill, wait!  We're protecting you!" and take off after him.  Left turn, right turn, down stairs around more corners, down more stairs...

...suddenly we realize the walls have changed.  They are not faceless concrete anymore, They are old, ugly, roughly shaped stone blocks.  I mean ancient.  Orson Welles stumbles past, being chased by British military police and weird zither music.

William Shatner has led us clean out of the Commodore and into the service tunnels of Grand Central Station beneath it.

And one of the yellow badges — the Fifth Amendment does not require me to say who — said, "Let's leave him here..."

Happy Birthday, Bill Shatner!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Breaking News: Nancy Pelosi Hospitalized in Rome!

A Three Beers Later Exclusive by Guest Columnist P.K. 'Pug' Parker-Noonan, Mainstream Conservative Doyenne...

"House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi was briefly hospitalized today in Rome after she inexplicably came in contact with holy water in the foyer of St. Peter's Cathedral.

"Authorities were unsure how the Minority Leader came into contact with the holy water — 'It's something she normally avoids religiously, er...' said a spokesman for Representative Pelosi — but eyewitnesses report some sort of confrontation  with an elderly Scandinavian gentleman shouting, "The Power of Christ Compels You!"

"This is not the first time the former Speaker of the House has run into this situation in Italy.  During a previous audience with the Pope as Speaker, several Dominican priests forcibly exorcised the then-Speaker from the Vatican grounds.

"Italian hospital officials described Ms. Pelosi's injuries as 'minor' and said the burns were alleviated by the topical application of thick wads of campaign cash.

"I'm sure we all wish the Minority Leader a swift recovery and look forward to the tone of elegance and sophistication she brings to the Washington political and social scene."

You can't buy this kind of class....

Three Beers Later Self-Strike Turns Ugly!

The labor conflict at Three Beers Later! took a grim turn when I crossed my own picket line, established in solidarity with the oppressed unpaid bloggers of the Huffington Post, to publish this weekend's Rule 5 material.  Not owning a car, I was obliged to key my cat Potluck in retaliation.
That might have gone better....

Having dressed my many bloody injuries, I have come to the conclusion that I need to be more tolerant of labor's right to self-expression, and will be more respectful of my picket line in the future.

However, I am in no position to guarantee the same for my occasional guest bloggers, so it is entirely likely that you will see additional material in the near future from Jamil al-Taqqiyah, Frumley Brooks, Chlamydia Shabazz X, et al.   I accept no responsibility for their actions, statements or positions.

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