Operation Gratitude Care Package Weekend!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Rule 5 Saturday!

Guys, we cannot let our enjoyment of Rule 5 lead us into the error of objectifyizin' women.  We need to admire them for their accomplishments as well as their simple appearance.  I am sure, for instance, that this gifted young athlete has an absolutely smokin' curve.

Memorial Day Weekend 1

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Two Big Pricks Thwarted by Thousands of Little Pricks Acting Together!

This story is ABSOLUTELY TRUE... with one or two small changes to protect the innocent and piss off people I don't approve of.

A pair of men who sought to violate Florida’s longstanding and well founded law against sex with porcupines found themselves almost losing their manhoods when their victim took exception to their unwanted advances.

The pair apparently sensed a challenge after reading a guidebook to some of the more bizarre and archaic Florida state laws. The express prohibition of sex with porcupines caught their attention in particular, and magnified through the bottom of a bottle of whiskey seemed an irresistible thrill.

Soon they were traipsing off into the countryside to find a porcupine to ravish. Soon they found one, and approached it for sex.

The next day the pair had sufficiently regained their senses to realize that their quill laced penises would need immediate medical attention. They boarded a plane to California, and checked into hospital as soon as they arrived.

There they were unsurprisingly diagnosed with “needles of a porcupine in genitals.”
Californian doctors dryly pointed out that things could be worse: “The most positive thing about the situation is that they did not have to stand trial in Florida. They left the state just in time.”
Although the pair kept their genitals relatively intact, painful inflammation meant extra treatment was necessary.

Miami-Dade Police have released these photographs of the clueless suspects...

"If You Just Want a Figurehead Chairman I'll Quit"

"I Would Have Voted for the Stimulus"

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Sure, we can trust the Press...

So even as he 'apologizes,' the worm still manages to imply that the Tea Party protests were not legitimate protests.  I suppose he imagines that most of us bitter clingers is just too dern unedumacated to get his subtle innuendo.

Do yourself a favor, Andy.  Give Nancy Pelosi a call and take a couple of bullshitting lessons from a real pro.

Democrat Quotes.....

'It doesn't matter if the planet is cooling and plants need it to live. We still have to ban carbon dioxide.' - Henry Waxman 

'The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ASS.' - Joe Biden 

'America is--is no longer, uh, what it--it, uh, could be, uh what it was once was...uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children.' - Barack Obama 

'You don't need God anymore, you have us democrats.' - Nancy Pelosi 

'Paying taxes is voluntary.' - Harry Reid 

'The days of "traditional values" and strong foreign policy are over.' - Chuck Schumer 

'I do not regard Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac as problems, I regard them as great assets. I do not think we are facing any kind of a crisis. Fannie and Freddie pose no threat to the Treasury.' - Barney Frank 

H/T Peter Gunn

via Theo Spark, links below.

Monday, May 18, 2009

True Confessions...

...thanks to Paco tagging me.  Now to share eight fun facts about me (subject to statute of limitations... if you can handle the truth.

 1)  When I was three or four years old,  I was addicted to the Steve Canyon TV show.  Even got my own official Steve Canyon Jet Pilot's Helmet.  Wore it everywhere. Then I got tonsilitis, they took me to the hospital, and the kindly doctor explained the procedure to my parents in front of me.  I  was a precocious kid.  When they came back to wheel me to surgery the helmet was on, the visor was down, the air mask was snapped on and I wasn't coming out.

2)  When I got a little older, I used to break into my neighbors' houses to find stuff to read.  They'd come home from work and find me under their kitchen table with a pile of comics.  Then I got a stack of old kids' books out of my grandfather's attic, everything from The Swiss Family Robinson to 30's stuff like The Army Boys, the story of a bunch of chums in the Great War, Tom Swift, the Bobbsey Twins.  An important tip for parents: it doesn't matter so much what your kids read as long as they're reading and enjoying it.  I was already reading when I first went to school and never lost the love.

3) In my junior high school years, a growth spurt and a tendency to remember old slights led to the suggestion that I might wish to change academic venues.  So I wound up at Fordham Prep, an outpost of Caucasian learning in the Southest of the South Bronx.  

For some reason, the Jesuits used to lock us out of the building during lunch hour.  This went over about as well as being the first wildebeest to the river crossing.  The first-floor windows in this old stone school building were about ten feet up so I would basically free-climb, Jesuit-ninja style, up to the window, let myself in, and then go unlock the door for my classmates.

One lunchtime I'm about eight feet up the wall when I realize I'm hearing what could be described as a dreadful silence.  I look down and the school prefect of discipline, a Jesuit about the size and build of the young Brian Dennehy in Semi-tough but minus the likeable demeanor, a man who used to break up antiwar protests on the surrounding college campus with his fists, was looking back up at me.  

Shortly thereafter I began my experiment with public education.

(4) Shortly after graduating high school, I developed a determination to bicycle across the country to Los Angeles, where I would seek fame and fortune as a contestant on The Match Game (the things a man will do to meet Jo Ann Pflug...).  Instead I met a coal truck outside of Scranton and spent the longest year of my life one Labor Day Weekend in the Scranton Holiday Inn.

(5) Upon enlisting in the Army after college, I discovered that a charming young lady of my acquaintance had been a former mistress of the head of the UK Workers Revolutionary Party.  This caused many interesting conversations about my clearances, especially after it turned out that Special Branch had been wiretapping her.

(6) Upon shipping to Fort Benning for BCT (basic combat training) this same young lady came back to haunt me once again... this time in the tear-gas chamber.  The drill was, you entered, pulled off your mask, and the drill sergeants engaged you in pleasant conversation (well, they enjoyed it) to give you plenty of time to get used to being gassed.  Well, they had heard about her, and wanted to hear the whole story.  In  detail.  With much repetition.

(7) During my National Guard service after active duty, I was sent to OCS for organizing a mutiny.  (Not leading, your honor, just organizing...)  Mario Cuomo was trying to shut down an inner-city armory and disband a unit in service since the Civil War to offer a perk to an upstate backer.  Being a young'n'dumb enlisted man, I was happy to run  around mobilizing every newspaper, tv station and politician I could grab to block the disbanding... which worked, for at least another decade or so.  Also being young'n'dumb, I believed one TV reporter who said of course they would obscure my identity if I talked on camera... if by that they meant misspelling my first name in the subtitle, then they kept their word.  Haven't made that misstake since.

(8) Have attended over 700 support-the-troops rallies since the start of the Iraq war.

In Memoriam

The Republican Party of Los Angeles County Mourns Passing of Si Frumkin

Dachau Survivor Worked Tirelessly to Save Soviet Jews

Los Angeles, CA - May 18, 2009 - Jane Barnett, Chairman of the Republican Party of Los Angeles County announced today that Si Frumkin, Founder of the Southern California Council for Soviet Jews, and a long-time Republican activist has passed away. 

A man of direct action, Frumkin founded the Southern California Council for Soviet Jews in 1968 and over the next two decades would not leave the issue alone. For years his inventive activism could be found in protests at a variety of Soviet cultural events.

Frumkin, who did more than anyone else in the United States to focus attention on the struggle of Soviet Jews, died Friday of cancer at Providence Tarzana Medical Center. He was 78.

"Shaming the free world, especially our government, into doing the right thing was Si's cause," said Supervisor Zev Yaroslavsky, who as a UCLA student founded the California Students for Soviet Jews at the same time Frumkin founded his group.

A more complete biography can be found in the Obituary section of the Los Angeles Times here.

Frumkin is survived by his widow, Ella, and a son, Michael, and two grandchildren.

"He was an integral part of who I am and . . . with the exception of my own parents and family, no one has had so profound an impact on me," said Yaroslavsky, who will deliver the eulogy for Frumkin at 2 p.m. today at Mt. Sinai Memorial Park, 5950 Forest Lawn Drive, Hollywood. 

Instead of flowers, his family asks that contributions be made to the organization he founded, the Southern California Council for Soviet Jews, P.O. Box 1542, Studio City, CA 91614.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

A Rent Strike for the GOP? (2)

It seems to be an idea whose time is coming...

Democrats are Respected around the world...

The noted and notorious Paco, of Paco Enterprises fame to all graduates of the Tim Blair School of Blogging (our motto, "Si pecuniae est vestri, deficio non optio est"... "Failure is not an option, if you have the money"), takes us on a tour of the Clinton Library. Sadly, for all his roguish charm and raffish ways, Paco remains too much the gentleman to actually make any withdrawals from that overpriced doublewide.

I don't. Behold the kind of dignity and approval the world bestowed on us the last time we elected a charismatic Democrat.

List of Information, Implication and Insinuation

Three Beers Later!

    follow me on Twitter

    Blog Archive