Robert Stacy McCain, Master of the "Tip Jar" (*nudge-nudge, wink-wink, knowwutImean, knowwutImean?*) arrives at the posh El Cholo's restaurant in Santa Monica to meet with naïve California GOP Congressional Candidate Mattie Fein:
Unable to make contact with his usual cabal of what the gallant Democratic General Wesley Clark politely called "New York Money Men," Stacy McCain makes do with the materials at hand, cobbling up shady back room deals on smoke-filled Santa Monica streetcorners (no smoking in restaurants)...
Inside, top-notch California bloggers explain to Mattie Fein everything that is wrong with the CA Republican Party and running a GOP campaign there...
...and what it's gonna take to fix it...
...to the horror of Mattie's loyal campaign manager Alli...
...who quickly reassures the distraught candidate that they can get a low-cost Fannie Mae mortgage to take care of the problem and "Keep the bloggers sweet, if you know what I mean..."
UPDATE: INSTALANCHE! Welcome, new readers! Please take a moment to check out Mattie and Merlin's campaign sites!
17 comments:
I'm shocked! Shocked! I tell you!
YOU'RE shocked?! Freaking INSTAPUNDIT picked this up! (Okay, I sent it to freaking INSTAPUNDIT, but stil...)
Excuse me. I'll be in my bunk.
We down here at Red Stick Rant are still waiting for our payoff. The armored car drove by the house twice today without stopping. Even after I waved and shouted, they wouldn't stop. Is a check in the mail? The light bill is due, and now that the Builderberg Group is cutting back we're a bit strapped.
Worried...
ChalupaGate! Oh, the humanity!
On to another matter. Now, I'm ordinarily a big fan of what Queen Victoria called "decolletage" in asking a healthy granddaughter to cover hers out of consideration for the footmen one evening at Balmoral.*
But I'm also a believer in priorities. And right now my relevant priorities are: 1) seeing Mattie Fein get her message out with as much clarity and as little interference as possible; 2) getting Mattie Fein elected, and; 3) then, and only then and not before, getting Mattie to wear some cleavage-revealing outfits. I mean, c'mon, look at the last pic: what do YOU think guys are gonna be looking at and thinking about? I rest my case.
*I suppose the Queen merely wished her granddaughter to be more thoughtful of the effect her cleavage would have on the young male servants, who very well might have been forced by such a low-cut dress into a struggle against their natural impulse to snatch a most inappropriate look at her royal bosom. Or just maybe peeking was a much more serious infraction to the mind of Victoria Regina; and the Queen Empress would have felt duty-bound to take up a hot poker and gouge out an eye of any male servant she caught gazing longingly at the blue-blooded boobage the young princess so proudly displayed. Well, what with young footmen having two fully functioning eyes being so rare and all.
When a girl drives for an hour and a half to get to a luncheon and still has to pick up her own burrito and beer, we don't have enough graft or gallantry.
If anything, we on the Right have to work on attaining a HIGHER level of corruption. I don't care whether it's because of the blog, or the boobs: someone should have covered my lunch. There isn't enough money in the rightosphere at present.
If Mattei Fein is the public face in a California district of the VRWC then I'd say we're doing pretty good. Put some minions on black helicoter waxing duty, she needs fast transportation.
Bloggers can't be nearly as expensive as consultants, PR flacks, reporters, et bloody cetera. Not yet at any rate.
When a girl drives for an hour and a half to get to a luncheon and still has to pick up her own burrito and beer, we don't have enough graft or gallantry.
I'll work it out with the "New York Money Men" (nudge, nudge) next time.
Hold it a second: that was MY confession. I AM the bad guy here. Just because a guy isn't Roman Catholic, his confession counts for naught?
That sounds like a really deep bass to me.
Mattie's cute.
Smitty -- Yeah, and Watergate started with a two-bit burglary, remember?
Congratulations on the Instalanche!
Yeah, closing on 10,000 new visitors already. Hadda send Glenn a nice note. Collect of course.
Hey Attila Girl, I agree that there needs to be more gallantry. You'll notice that not everyone was represented in the coverage of this notable event. What's the Right coming to when a girlfriend drives her blogger all the way to the People's Republic of Santa Monica so that he can get the scoop, and then gets put in the stealth bin? Sheesh! Think we'll have to have a talk with RSM to put in a couple of new rules to that book.
Deborah Leigh
How did I miss this?
Congrats on the Instalanche! More insidious sweet-blogger investigative reporting, too, please.
The Republicans are so funny, when the economy is good you say let’s all celebrate “Cinco de Mayo, my brothers” but when the economy is down “it’s all your fault, you damn immigrant”. When most Americans (with Latin America roots) go to the polls this November we will remember that the GOP has gone on a nationwide rant in proposing and passing several anti-immigration legislation (that our US Courts continue to strike down) and have continue to blame the immigrant for the flat economy or worse. We will remember who stands with us and who stands against us, so trying to stop it now is somewhat funny, but go ahead, you will not change our minds. Plus the more radical of the GOP are now attacking our Constitution and our Bill of Rights, in a misguided attempt to garner some much needed votes, they really are fools, and leading the GOP towards obscurity because they are no longer a party of ideas, just of empty suits. Your hate made you do it, in November; you will reap what you have sown. I wonder what Abraham Lincoln would say about todays GOP, he unlike the current GOP was a man of ideas.
Dear Benito, just as you can't quite figure out which side of the border to stand on, you can't quite figure out which thread to post your comment in. You need to work on that, 'manita....
Rich: This is all about politics and November 2010 and nothing more. The most outrageous racial profile law was AZ SB1070, the one that failed in our US Courts that the proponents claimed was Constitutional. The current GOP wants to decide for you when they will apply our Constitution and Bill of Rights in the bent minds (Good luck with that). Considering that all the numbers of crime are down In AZ (even ex-governor Janet Napolitano agrees).
So when we saw Brewer signing a bill (that she probably did not even read), lying about the crime rates in AZ, and now we find out that she is in the pockets of PRIVATE PRISONS who stand to benefit with the increase Federal jailing, please what BS.
So quit lying, with your pathelic rhetoric, stand up and be men or women, no, no I am sorry your leaders are now just Birthers, Baggers and Blowhards and will continue to take the GOP towards obscurity because they are no longer a party of ideas, just of empty suits. Good bye, fawell.....
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