David Obey Retires -- Exclusive TBL Video!

Bullying Bigmouth Democrat Congressman David Obey announced his retirement today, cutting and running from his Republican challengers.

Three Beers Later has obtained the following exclusive video of Obey performing the traditional "abandoning the sinking ship" ceremony as he cuts and runs from his beset President and Party.

And may I say no one has cut a more dashing figure on the water since John Kerry...

Offend a Feminist Week -- Wednesday!

Wednesday's entry response to the regrettable Offend a Feminist Week attempts to broaden the horizons of our conservative readership through the words of Maria Marisa Dolores Bonita Gonsalves Herrera, Ph.D., Chair of Hispanic Gender Studies at UC Santa Barbara.  Dr, Herrera is notable among the UCSB faculy as the only Ph.D candidate they were afraid to ask to defend her thesis.  Her professional publications include:

"Errol Flynn's Cuban Rebel Girls as Hispanic Feminist Metafiction"

"What was Lupe 'The Mexican Spitfire' Velez Spitting at?"

"Mi Hermana es su Hermana -- No Reasonable Offer Refused: The underground economy in Tijuana"

"You Only Care About the Glass Ceiling When You Want Me to Clean It for You"

"¡Chingada su Madre! ¿Usted los maricones viene aquí, roba la parte de nuestro país con todos los caminos pavimentados, usted piensa que damos una maldición sobre sus nalgas blancas flacas gordas? ¿Tenemos una guerra el encenderse abajo aquí porque usted can' la subsistencia de t sus narices que moquea de la mesa de centro, y de usted quisiera que nos preocupáramos de usted que gana solamente ochenta centavos en un  dólar de los hombres? ¡ARIZONA! ¡ATTICA! ¡¡ARIZONA! ¡ATTICA! ¡¡ARIZONA! ¡ATTICA!”


(We apologize for the lack of a translation, but Miguel, our fully documented and absolutely no question about it legal typesetter suggested that some of the Doctor's comments might  not have been entirely on topic...TBL)


Update: Loose translation provided by my gardener, um, 'Sven,' yeah, Sven...


"Mother****ers!  You ******** come here, steal the part of our country with all the paved roads, and you want us to worry about YOUR flabby white asses.  We've got a ****ing WAR down here because you can't keep your noses off the coffee table and we're supposed to worry about you only making eighty cents to a man's dollar?   ¡ARIZONA! ¡ATTICA! ¡¡ARIZONA! ¡ATTICA! ¡¡ARIZONA! ¡ATTICA!”


(Note: as best TBL can determine, "Attica" is some kind of ancient Aztec curse...

"The Constitution Is a Living, Breathing Document..."

"...I can fix that."

SNOUT STUCK INTO OIL DISASTER

Henry "the Snout" Waxman, along with Bart ("Dead Babies are Bad, OK, dead babies are not so bad, er, hey, look at the pretty airports!") Stupac, have found out Halliburton worked on the exploded drilling rig in the Gulf.

Fresh from his triumphal attempt to investigate major corporations' health care write-offs, in which Waxman revealed that not only did he not understand the law they were obeying, but that he didn't even know it was a law he had voted for, Waxman is now promising to grill Halliburton on the technical details of an operation he is completely unfamiliar with in a field in which he has no education, experience or understanding.

Of course, as a 40-year Congressman, that covers pretty much any field, but face it, Halliburton could tell the Snout that they mixed a triple helping of fairy dust into the concrete to make sure it held and he would have no way of credibly challenging that assertion.  He hasn't even got the expertise to intelligently choose experts to challenge anything Halliburton might assert.

This is just another time-waster for the Congress and Halliburton, a money-waster for the American people, and a credibility-waster for the American press who will treat this like some kind of significant investigation.

Offend a Feminist Week --Tuesday!

I personally am shocked! shocked! that such sexism still exists in this country!  To offset such rampant swinehood, let me offer another guest poster in rebuttal:

Vanessa Brattigan-Brown-Lambert-Evans

MBA Wharton School of Business

Personnel Relations, New York Times, DDBO, Procter & Gamble, Universal Studios 1999-2004

Independent Consultant, 2004-

Nationwide Guest Lecturer:

"Tenure Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means, Professor"

"Divorce as Long-Term Career Track"

"Enhancing the Hostile Workplace Environment for Maximum Return"

"Learn those basic office skills, ladies!  You might not understand why you need to take dictation in the modern office, but believe me, you'll get it in the end!"

A WORD FROM LITTLE MISS ATTILA

UPDATE -- Service Restored!


Dear Little Miss Attila reader:

I apologize for the fact that my weblog is offline once more. I've put in an inquiry with my hosting service, and assume that there's been some sort of administrative problem. We should have this fixed by mid-morning tomorrow.

Thanks!

Joy McCann

Offend a Feminist Week -- Monday!

The Other McCain announces National Offend a Feminist Week.  Naturally I would never get involved with anything so chauvinist and reprehensible, even with the horrible example of this eeeeeeevil reighwinger teabagger white supremacist...

...so I'll be opening up this blog to genuine actual female type feminists to offer their insights into the event...

Today's contributor:

MITZI BIRNBAUM

WOMYN'S STUDIES MAJOR, USC

4.0 GPA

Mitzi likes kittens, sunny days and long walks carrying heavy placards to defy the patriarchy.  Turnoffs? War, global warming and people who wear fedoras when they should be wearing gimme caps.

"Hey, sisters!  Throw away those birkenstocks!  And shave 'em every once in awhile, okay?  It will do you a WORLD of good!"

Peaceful Progressives Express Themselves Peacefully

OK, except for the rock-throwing and vandalism and arson... (ht: Jammie Wearing Fool)

Rule 5 -- Juliana Moreira!

OK,, Time for a Modified, Limited Hang-Out...

In a previous post, I ragged on Los Angeles Congressional Candidate David Benning for interrupting a Tax Day protest to make a speech. That was a bonehead move and I don't regret dumping on him for it.

That said, and as you've all seen now that you've watched the GOP Forum video, all ONE HOUR AND FIFTY THREE MINUTES OF IT that I uploaded VERY SLOWLY, I have to admit that Benning did a hell of a job there.  He was focused, prepared and articulate; I'd have no trouble supporting the man I saw on the podium at the Forum if he wins the primary.

Therefore, I'm adding a link to his campaign site to my links page for your consideration.  Thank you.