Rule 5-1/2 Christmas Cuties!

Time to Get My Christmas On...

The Timeless Epic of the Conservative "New Media"...

Video Renegado Ladd Ehrlinger comments on the recent mild disagreements between conservative bloggers during the GOP Presidential debates:

"Seriously? Come on, Jeff. Some bloggers endorsed Rick Perry. BFD. Everyone in the GOP field has major flaws. There is no messiah. Attacking conservative bloggers for endorsing a candidate you don't like in the same way you'd attack a card-carrying members of the Socialist Worker's Party is not only silly, it's counter-productive.

How about concentrating fire on foes, and debate your allies?

Bear in mind, this is coming from a guy who's had more than his fair share of silly internecine fights."

Silly internecine fights?!  These are life and death struggles for Truth, Justice and Juicier BlogAds! We are bloggers, dammit!  We're IMPORTANT!  We MATTER!  People tell us so! Other people squat in their basements for hours on end just to insult us!  Why, we're going to do for the future of this country what Menelaus and Agamemnon did for the future of Troy!

If anything, we're not squabbling hard ENOUGH! Think of it as fighting for internet tenure: we have to be particularly vicious because the potential rewards are so small!

So let the battle rage!  Let our self-appointed Odysseuses (Odysseyi?) scurry around thinking how clever and manipulative they're being, while our vainglorious Ajaxes sulk in their tents, their brilliance unappreciated, as our virtuous Hippolotuses (Hippoloti - screw it, did that joke already) have their honor and naiveté exploited and our wretched Philocteteseses suffer tormented exile for impiety towards the Gods of the Web.

The end result will be magnificent, a modern Iliad for our times... as directed by Roger Corman.

"Sarah Palin sold a quart of milk from a state-run dairy to Herman Cain's mistress!"
"Ace you lying bitch!"

Why I'm not supporting Rick Perry (yet)...

When they wanted to show Ronald Reagan as a working man, a man of the people, they went and got pictures of the man working, the way he always worked...

When they wanted to show us George W. Bush as a working man, a man of the people, they went and shot pictures of him working, the way he always worked....

When they wanted to show us Rick Perry as a working man, a man of the people, they fired up the backlights and the smoke machine and the movie set and the props and the pristine chaps that frankly looked to me like they'd never spent a day in the chaparral...

Look, maybe Rick Perry is a rough tough working buckaroo.  I certainly respect his military service. But back when he was running against Perry for the Governorship, Kinky Friedman laid a serious rap on Perry as an empty suit, a tailor's dummy for the Machine to manipulate.

Handing us a glorified Marlboro Man ad is no way to lay that concern to rest.  And to a lesser extent that's a problem with the rest of his ads, as well.  His denim shirts are always crisp and brand-new, his "work" jackets uncreased and unscarred.  Working folks get dirty, they get wrinkled, and they won't hold against a man who shows up to talk about jobs in a jacket that looks like it's been worked in.

Now I know Kinky has at least come around to the extent of acknowledging that Perry has presided over  some outstanding economic performance by the state of Texas.  But presiding over other people's hard work by itself is not a sign that you can do the work yourself.

And yes, Perry had some brain freezes in those jumped-up reality shows we called debates.  But the thing is, it seems to me, a man with deeply held convictions and intentions could expand on those even if he blocked on a certain specific buzzword or platform point.  Perry needs to show me he can do that yet.

Understand, I could bring myself to vote for Perry regardless, where I don't think I could for Romney or Gingrich.  But I'd be a lot happier if he showed me there was some 'there' there.

Yeah, it's hell on the home front...

ODE TO RICK SANTORUM!

Robert Stacy McCain has noticed a never before revealed secret about Rick Santorum.  I KNEW there was something I liked about the guy...!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

YOU HAD ME AT BEER

I don't need no menu, waitress,

The food ain't why I'm here.

This ain't no eatin' venue,

But you had me, hon, at beer.

Now I had some beer for breakfast

And I had some beer for lunch

Had a few between them,

(In LA they call that brunch).

Had some on the job today,

A little workplace cheer,

And if I should roam on my way home,

Some beer will help me steer.

That's how I met that roadhouse honey,

Said those words I want to hear.

She can't love me for my money,

Cuz I spent it all on beer!

But I think she left with someone else,

Or she's hiding in the can;

I guess she couldn't handle

A hot beer-drinkin' man.

So I took some beer out huntin',

Gonna shoot me up a bear.

Had a few up in the tree,

Did my huntin' from mid-air.

The ground was hard,

The Bear got scar'd,

The Rangers was amused:

It's gonna take a lot of beer

To fix what I got bruised.

Now don't talk to me about Cabernet,

Margaritas is just queer.

Rum and coke's a sissy joke,

And tequila makes me sneer.

Vodka's un-American,

So I drink the only drink I can.

Now lose that wine list baby doll,

And bring me another beer...

Well, I don't have that job no more,

My wife and kids steer clear. 

My pickup's stuck under this truck

(but they'll get me out of here).

But the Rangers took my shotgun,

And that bear knows where I live!

If I don't get a beer real soon,

Something's gonna give!

So I don't need no menu, waitress,

The food ain't why I'm here.

This ain't no eatin' venue,

But you had me, hon, at beer.

Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry and a Cast of Thousands...

Presidential hopefuls tend to take credit for the efforts of their coworkers... When Newt Gingrich assumed the Speakership of the House, he was entering an environment where Congressional Republicans, including Rick Santorum and John Boehner (yeah, once upon a time) had already exposed the Democratic Culture of Corruption with their prosecution of the House Bank and Post Office scandals.  Their actions laid the groundwork for the expulsion of Democrat Speaker Jim Wright and the ascension of Newt Gingrich and his Contract with America.  Not to hear him tell it, of course, but...

Rick Perry boasts of the million jobs created during his tenure as Governor.  But the governorship of Texas is actually an office of fairly limited power, as critics of GW Bush liked to remind us.  The actual work of legislating in Texas is in the hands of the Legislature and Lt. Governor.  Perry can rightly take credit for providing leadership and a conscience to the government of Texas, but the state's financial strength has many fathers outside the Governor's mansion.

The point is not that either man is too fond of grabbing undeserved credit.  The point is that we the voters should not be looking for a man on a white horse (or big shiny moon rocket in Newt's case, maybe) to save us single-handedly.  No president we elect can success unless we the voter provide them with a legislative body that will cooperate in the execution of the public's will, as opposed to killing our hopes.  Without that, the greatest leader can rear his white horse and wave his sword all he wants on the path to futility,  With that, even a flawed president can create a legacy that will endure.

It's not on them.  It's on us.

NAIL DOWN NEWT...

Here are some  more pledges Newt needs to sign to convince me to support him.  Feel free to add your own!

Newt signs pledge to support fewer than 418 more bills that Nancy Pelosi wants. 
Newt signs pledge to not quit the White House in a huff the way he quit his Congressional seat. 
Newt signs pledge to not tap strategic oil reserve to cover Tiffany's tab. 
Newt signs pledge to not send all the decent white folks to space colonies. 
Newt signs pledge to not divorce 3rd wife when she gets sick.

Robert Stacy McCain takes mild exception to Barack Obama's 60 Minutes interview...

He appears under-impressed:

"ECONOMIC GROWTH, YOU F–KING IDIOT! EVER HEARD OF THE LAFFER CURVE? SUPPLY SIDE? ART LAFFER COULD EXPLAIN IT TO YOU IN 15 MINUTES WITH A COCKTAIL NAPKIN!

"Obamanomics is simply ignorance as the basis of policy. The more you know, the less you like it, and his only hope of re-election is to promulgate counterfactual ideas and persuade voters that they must choose between two lies: His dishonest characterizations of his own policies and his dishonest characterizations of Republican policies.

I hope he fails, because my blood-pressure can’t take another four years of listening to this guy lie."

Foamy the Squirrel on #Caring